22, then I've went to ranges a few times, I've shot a shotgun in the woods and whatnot, and I've had two police officer friends or family friends (my best friend is one), so I can get good advice when needed. I am not some expert, I barely know anything frankly, but I had the good fortune that I was on 40 acres outside city limits when I got my first guns (at my dad's house) and could practice pretty often with the.
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You need to understand firearm safety, how to use the gun in a basic sense, and it really doesn't take much time.
I wouldn't recommend buying a gun without going to the range at all, though. My wife just bought a Smith & Wesson 9mm today too, so I think most girls can handle a 9mm just fine. I didn't find the kick on the 19 to be anything to worry about, but then again I'm a muscular dude so maybe it's different. Extremely solid gun and never jammed, though I bought a Glock 17 today, the full size version, and I've heard it kicks less. I owned a Glock 19 as my first gun, I bought it the same time as a Walther P22 for target practice. I'd go with a semiautomatic shotgun personally, like a Beneli M4 or a Mossberg 930, not to suggest you're going to miss with a shotgun but if there are multiple invaders, I'd rather have a semiautomatic myself.